Things I’m Grieving, Glimmers + BONUS! Meet My Therapist
Save The Date: Video Meet Up
Confession: I get envious.
It’s hard to admit that, but I do. Today I told someone that I envy intact families. Especially during the holidays when families are supposed to be together. An intact family is what I always wanted. It’s what I saved myself for. To marry one person and do life with them, raise children with them, retire with them, watch grandchildren grow with them. It’s what I planned on having when I walked down that aisle on November 6, 2004. I did not expect anything different.
But that is not what I have. Or at least, I don’t have it like I originally hoped.
Have you ever looked at your life and felt so disappointed? Maybe it’s the career you never achieved, or your inability to have children, or maybe you never got married and that’s all you wanted. Or maybe it’s something else entirely… but either way, when you look at your life there is grief for things that aren’t. There is questioning why? There is acceptance that is really difficult to come by. Sometimes there is anger. Sadness.
I suppose all these feelings come with different stages of grief.
The beauty is, we might not understand now, but we will understand someday.
We are promised that. Glory Revealed. It does happen. Sometimes not for a long time. But someday, we will look back and see the good. The blessings. The way God used all the bad and turned it into something that could never be imagined. On this journey to the good, we do get moments. Moments where we see it’s going to be ok. Moments where we know that this is not the end. The kid’s therapist calls these moments on the way to glory “glimmers”.
I’ve been seeing a lot of glimmers lately….
I’m watching myself change. I’m seeing growth. I’m seeing acceptance. I’m seeing myself start to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. The person who aligns with my inner values. It’s been hard to admit, but the person I was over the last 20 years or so isn’t necessarily the person I wanted to be. I look back at my pride, and my greed, and my selfishness and I see someone who truly was not the best version of herself. Someone who was exhausted by all she was.
Today, I am at peace.
I can see myself clearly; or at least clearer than I ever have been able to. I am desperately trying to see me. I can see my deep, deep faults, and I am trying to hold myself accountable for what I’ve done, how I’ve hurt those I love, and how I can become a better version of myself. While it can be hard, I don’t want to blame anyone. I’m not fully there yet, but I can see myself starting to get there. I now know that I am someone who is greatly loved by my Heavenly Father, and He continues to hold me. I think I’ve always known this, but now I’m really noticing all the little things that he does to remind me every day. He’s keeping me safe. He’s refining me. And He’s taking the broken parts of my heart and making me inwardly beautiful.
Yet, there are still moments where I feel intense grief.
I still hurt. I probably always will. There were moments in time over the last 20 years where we had the family togetherness that I wanted. A entire intact family. There were such beautiful moments that I will cherish forever where my children had both a mother and a father together. And it hurts to know that some happiness was there once. It also hurts to remember how some of those moments were destroyed by my poor choices. It’s just so painful to remember those times. It’s painful to think about how I hurt people I love, especially my children. They will carry the weight of our poor choices for the rest of their lives. And that really, really grieves me.
But again…glimmers.
I am seeing glimmers of beautiful memories without the pain. I am beginning to see that it’s ok. That even though this is definitely not what I wanted or what I would have chosen, it’s going to be ok. I see healing happening. Laughter. So much laughter. Even now as I type this, I hear my kids laughing with friends in the background. They are safe. They are healing. And we have so much. So very much. Even through all the pain, and even though this doesn’t look like what I thought, it’s still lovely. What we have is special. Beautiful. We are ok.
We are becoming refined. Gold. Glory.
There are beautiful rainbows after the rain. There are roses after the pruning. There will be clear skies after all those storms… And it’s going to be good. It’s going to be very good.
And it will for you too, if you let it.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Romans 8:18
Keep going friends….We are going to make it. This song below has been so helpful to me lately. I hope it encourages you today.
SAVE THE DATE!!!
Monday, November 27 at 11 AM PST.
I will be hosting a video call with all our Founding Members to meet my Mindset Coach, Rose Skeeters.
Rose is one of the key people in my life over the last year who have been responsible for pushing me towards healing and growth. I call her my therapist, but she is really my Mindset Coach. Rose is a MA, LPC, PN2 {licensed therapist + Mindset Coach} who has been through a lot in her life. I find that her faith, her life experiences, her ability to share empathy, and her excellent psychotherapy has helped me reach a level of awareness about myself that I never had before. She is incredibly skilled in helping others see things from a different perspective.
I have asked Rose to join us for our November Founding Member video call to talk about some of the emotional regulation skills she has taught me over the last year, along with sharing some of the key points she has helped me with during my own healing journey. My hope is that in this one hour you will be encouraged by her story, her faith and her skills and find that you can implement some of these same skills to help you have success in your own life.
There are two ways to join the call:
Become a Founding Member
or
Register to join the call for $19
Become a Founding Member…
Founding Members are community members who have access to all my video calls, every single time I do them, which is at least once a month. They are also given exclusive content and conversations. In our video calls we discuss different aspects of glory revealed as well as learn new things by guest speakers and from each other.
If you are already a paid member, you can upgrade to Founding Member here:
If you are a free subscriber, you can upgrade to Founding Member here:
Don’t want to be a Founding Member? Register to join the call for $19.
I understand that becoming a Founding Member may be out of your budget at this time. If that is the case, and you still would like to join the call and meet Rose, you can register and submit payment for the call here….
**Both Founding Members and those who register will receive an email with the call link by 10 AM PST on Monday, November 27.
I look forward to hanging out with you all in a little over a week. Hugs to you all!
Amy xo
As always, thank you for your love and support, I’m so glad you are here. If you feel these posts would help someone else going through something similar, please feel free to share them with your friends…
Let’s talk! If you would like to discuss anything I’m talking about, or you simply have a thought, feel free to pop it into the comments! I’ll be monitoring them and will respond when I can. Hugs friends, and as always, I’m praying for everyone who reads this. xo